5 Unconventional Deal Breakers That Could Make or Break a Relationship
Many individuals often complain that they find themselves trekking along a dating landscape littered with nothing but red flags. (Hell, even Kelly Clarkson has a song titled Red Flag Collector.)
However, not all of these warning signs should be viewed as equal, especially considering that they span across different shades and saturations of reds.
While a red flag serves as a caution that there may be a potential issue or concern in a relationship, a deal breaker should carry a different level of significance and halt the progression of a relationship entirely.
“A deal breaker is a non-negotiable that essentially revokes an individual’s access to your life based on having directly competed against your core values, beliefs, or boundaries,” shares New Jersey dating author Brianna McCabe, the writer behind The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored.
While certain deal breakers should exist universally, such as out-of-control anger problems or abuse on any level, there are other unique non-negotiables that should be considered to help better navigate the complexity of dating with clarity and confidence.
McCabe outlines five uncommon deal breakers that an individual should solidify prior to dating:
1. They have a severe snoring problem.
Approximately 90 million Americans suffer from snoring, which can become a potential deal breaker based on its impact on both partners’ physical and emotional well-being. Aside from being disruptive, loud, and persistent, snoring can lead to sleep disturbances, fatigue, irritability, or even resentment. If an individual deals with countless nights of tossing and turning due to a partner's inability to control their snoring, find a mutually-agreeable solution, or seek professional help, this can ultimately decrease their quality of life, erode intimacy, and weaken relationship satisfaction, making this a legitimate deal breaker.
2. They smoke cigarettes or vape (and refuse to quit).
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), over 1 in 10 young adults in the United States regularly use e-cigarettes and another report suggests that
28.3 million adults in the United States currently smoke cigarettes. For some non-smokers, the lingering, invasive smell of smoke on an individual’s clothes, hair, and home can be an immediate turn off, in addition to the off-putting taste of it on a smoker’s tongue and lips. However, for more health-conscious individuals, the increased risk of secondhand exposure – and any associated potential long-term complications – and the misalignment of ideals on wellness can serve as the foundation for this deal breaker.
“While smoking itself does not define a person's character, the habit can signify potential compatibility issues and lifestyle disparities,” shares McCabe.
3. They have a starkly different sense of humor.
One study has determined that humor plays a vital role in maintaining love and connection in romantic relationships as it creates intimacy, boosts communication, and fosters emotional bonds. While humor is subjective, significant discrepancies in what one person deems funny versus the other can negatively impact the ease and enjoyment of a relationship. If both partners fail to find the other’s style amusing, this can potentially create a disconnect, lead to a misunderstanding, cause hurt feelings, or end in alienation. Over time, the inability to connect on a humorous level may lead to feelings of boredom, frustration, or even resentment.
“If your partner’s sense of humor is anchored in aggression, belittlement, or condescending vernacular yet they somehow try to assure you that it’s all in ‘good fun,’ that’s also an immediate deal breaker,” shares McCabe. “Humor should never be used as an acceptable mask for bullying.”
4. They have a different (and incompatible) travel style.
What does the word “vacation” mean to you? For some, that may mean a five-day vacation on a tropical island doing absolutely nothing aside from catching a tan and sleeping in, whereas for others it may be a meticulously calculated itinerary centered solely around food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and for others that could mean the freedom to be as free-spirited, sporadic, and spontaneous as possible.
“While one person may find thrill in exploring without a fixed itinerary, another may feel anxious or overwhelmed over the lack of structure and certainty,” shares McCabe. “If a compromise cannot be sought and conflict arises, the real deal breaker here is the inability to compromise and communicate.”
An incompatible travel lifestyle can negatively impact a relationship – not just for the vacation itself, but for the enjoyment of shared experiences.
5. They have a different view on pets.
A pet can be a person’s best friend – but it can also serve as a deal breaker depending on who you ask.
Being an animal lover can be a turn-off to someone who has allergies, lifestyle preferences, or strong aversions against pet ownership. On the contrary, animal lovers who deeply value the companionship and connection that owning a pet provides may be unwilling to compromise on not sharing their life with their furry friends. The presence or absence of pets in a household can significantly impact daily routines, living arrangements, and overall quality of life, making attitudes toward animals a deal breaker based on how heavily you value this principle.
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT dating deal breakers and red flags, GRAB A COPY OF BRIANNA MCCABE’S SELF-HELP DATING BOOK, THE RED FLAGS I'VE (REPEATEDLY) IGNORED.