Rebuilding After a Breakup: 5 Things You Need to Know
So you’ve found yourself treading the deep waters of a Spotify heartbreak playlist, inaudibly singing along to sad lyrics through bouts of tears, and wondering what the future holds now that you’re newly single. (P.S. My go-to ballad was always “Valentine’s Day” by Kehlani.)
Breakups suck. Let’s face it: they actually hurt like hell. At times it may even appear like the world is ending – but, changing your perspective and framing it as a beginning, rather than an ending, can get you into the right mindset to move forward and begin a journey of self-discovery.
With these five tips, you can start to embrace your independence and accept this life shift:
1. Take back your time.
After a relationship ends, there’s new gaps throughout your days that you now need to fill. It can feel lonely if you let those thoughts consume you – but, if you adjust your perspective you may start to think to yourself, “But how exciting is it to have more time?!” After all, don’t we all wish we had more time in the day? Take this as an opportunity to rediscover yourself. Find the things that you love, try new hobbies, reconnect with old friends, set goals, and learn what brings you joy and fulfillment. Time is valuable and if you’re going to share it with someone, make sure that it’s just as fulfilling, if not more, than time you spend with yourself.
2. Find comfort in your circle.
Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and make you feel comfortable being your truest self. When you’re building a life with someone, there’s nothing more detrimental than hiding parts of who you are. Understanding and becoming comfortable with who you are is essential to setting a solid foundation for a future relationship.
3. Stop faking it for followers.
Another critical thing to keep in mind is not to worry about what your life looks like from the outside now that you’re single – especially when it comes to social media. You may find yourself feeling the need to convey that you are happy, content, peaceful, or even just “okay” when really, all you want to do is watch sad movies and shove Ben & Jerry’s down your throat. And you know what? That actually is okay (in moderation, of course). Don’t force this facade to keep up with what you think you need to look like. Allow yourself to feel – and most importantly, to heal. Instead, you should disconnect for little and remember that social media is a highlight reel, anyway.
4. Don’t play detective.
Listen, we’ve all more than likely pretended that we were Sherlock Holmes and devoted countless hours to stalking an ex online. Let me cue you into a little secret: it’s a giant waste of time.
Don’t constantly refresh your feed looking for clues of who your ex may or may not be talking to.
Don’t create fake accounts (if you were blocked) to keep an eye on them.
Don’t ask mutual friends for updates on their lives (especially if you ended on a not-so-great note).
Stalking your ex on social media can hinder your ability to truly move on and get past the pain of the breakup.
5. Remind yourself it’s a process.
Healing is a gradual journey. It’s okay to wallow and have self pity days (honestly, sometimes it’s exactly what we need) – so long as we get back up and keep it moving. Take the time to nurture your needs and become the best version of yourself. When you date yourself, you show yourself the type of love and understanding that you expect from a potential partner. Whoever you date next is going to be competing with YOU, so set that bar high.
Always remember: you’re the artist of your life’s discography, and this breakup is just one of the songs on that track list.
To learn more about healing from past relationships and embracing your self-love, grab a copy of Brianna McCabe’s self-help dating book, The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly) Ignored.