The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored

Written By Brianna McCabe

APRIL 2023 — Brianna McCabe, a marketing professional and professor, emerged from her treacherous 20s with enough lessons about love to fill a book. So she decided to write one. After all, she couldn’t keep all she learned to herself.

McCabe’s soul-baring book, The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored, explores the relationship danger signs that she failed to see. Well, maybe sometimes she did notice these red flags, but she ended up disregarding her gut instincts that told her to flee the person or situation, anyway… but why?

McCabe digs deep in this semi-autobiographical (ish)-meets-self-help book to understand her own choices that led to heart aching and breaking by answering some critical questions:

Question: First off, what exactly is a red flag?

Answer: A red flag is a warning sign that something just isn’t right. It could be behaviors, mannerisms, or beliefs that misalign with your own values and overall lifestyle. Essentially, it’s that gut instinct that’s telling you that there could potentially be problems or miscommunications in the future if this warning sign isn’t addressed – or if you choose to move forward in the relationship despite having noticed this sign.

Action: If you notice a red flag while you are in the dating phase, you should pause, take a breath, and evaluate whether or not you want to proceed with said person. Depending on the red flag at-hand, you could also present this to the person in-question and see if this is even something that the person is aware of in order to potentially alter on their own. (Remember, you can’t force a person to change.)

Question: Are all red flags deal-breakers?

Answer: Absolutely not! In fact, not all red flags are fire engine red, either – some may range in severity and just be a light shade of pink. After all, these signs are circumstantial and vary from person-to-person in that, what one person may consider a red flag another may consider a green flag. That being said, though, there are some deal-breakers that individuals should be cognizant of including:

  • Out-of-control anger problems

  • Substance abuse 

  • Physical or emotional abuse


Action: If you notice a deal-breaker while in the dating stages, you should immediately “disqualify” this person from your dating pool. Wish them well, but protect your energy.

Question: Do we all have red flags?

Answer: Everyone has their own red flags, depending on who you ask. Someone’s taste in morals, philosophies, diets, arts, music, politics, religions, lifestyles, or even sporting teams could be a red flag to someone else. A die hard Yankees fan just might not be able to date a Red Sox fan, a vegan may not be able to date a carnivore, a Democrat may not be able to date a Republican, a man who has never been married nor had kids may not want to date a woman with a child, and… the list can go on and on.

Action: One must take an intrinsic look at what your boundaries are and the type of partner that you’re looking to attract. Being “picky” is okay! (It means that you know what you want.) That doesn’t mean you can’t be flexible, but you should have a general understanding of who you are and what you hope to seek as a complement of a partner.

Question: Why do we ignore red flags?

Answer: This is a complex question with several compounding answers and factors, including but not limited to:

  • A lack of self-love and self-worth that makes you crave validation and attention from anyone and everyone – regardless of their character

  • Loneliness

  • This mentality that you can “change” the person (and again, you probably can’t nor should you even try as that’s not your responsibility)

  • An inability to trust your own gut

Action: If you recognize a pattern of previous unhealthy relationships and fear that you may fall into a similar cycle, learn to connect with yourself, nurture yourself, and set the boundaries for how you expect to be treated – not just from a partner, but from everyone in your life including friends, family, and coworkers. If you’re struggling with that dynamic, it may be recommended to partner with a mental health professional for effective strategies and mechanisms. 

Question: What’s one red flag that you call out in your book?

Answer: If he calls his ex “crazy” without elaboration, clarification, or a deeper discussion. (I encourage readers to replace “he” with the pronoun of their choice in the book as they read along.)

Action: Recognize that whatever he does or says about an ex he will likely one day be doing to or saying about me. You have to think to yourself: is this really the type of disrespect that I want to tolerate?

Question: Do you take accountability for pursuing the paths and people that you did?

Answer: Absolutely! This book isn’t meant to serve as a man-bashing book at all. Although the book highlights over two dozen red flags that I encountered, I identify several of my own personal red flags at those particular times of my life, too, including:

  • I didn’t set standards for behaviors that I tolerate from myself – nonetheless from others

  • I allowed my worth to be dictated by a popularity level

  • I viewed myself as purely a sexual object

  • I didn’t listen to the opinions of my loved ones when it came to my choices of partners

Action: Well… you’ll just have to read to learn more about my journey!

McCabe wrote this book to heal from her own wounds, such as abandonment and “daddy issues,” being bullied as a child for being overweight, feeling insecure and only attracting men who further exacerbated her insecurities, and growing up in a dysfunctional environment for a period of her life. Initially, she struggled to understand the roots of her insecurities. However, as she develops a greater understanding of herself,  McCabe has learned to not only heal, but to build upon her unique strengths. By offering a self-love roadmap to readers through The Red Flags I’ve Repeatedly Ignored, she hopes to inspire others to do the same. 

McCabe eventually learns that to first enjoy the comforting embrace of a romantic lover, you must first embrace your own true self. Join McCabe, her friends, her family members and, yes, her lovers as she negotiates this almost universally tumultuous decade with compassion and humor. She turns raunchy rendezvous, roller coaster relationships, and rock-bottom moments into real revelations.

To purchase a copy of The Red Flags I’ve Repeatedly Ignored, which will be shipping in April, visit thebriannamccabe.com/bookdrop or attend one of McCabe’s upcoming book signing events:

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ABOUT BRIANNA MCCABE

Brianna McCabe, MBA, is a marketing professional, professor, author of The Red Flags I’ve (Repeatedly) Ignored, and podcast/segment host. She graduated from Monmouth University with a Master of Business Administration in 2019 and Bachelor’s in Journalism/Public Relations in 2015.

The Red Flags I’ve Repeatedly Ignored is a semi-autobiographical self-help book published by Inspired Girl Publishing Group. To purchase a copy of "The Red Flags I've (Repeatedly) Ignored," visit thebriannamccabe.com/bookdrop.

Visit thebriannamccabe.com to learn more. Connect with Brianna at contact@thebriannamccabe.com. 

Brianna McCabe
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